Purity culture just taught us it should be. #TransparentTuesday Hi friend, Hot take: sex isn’t “special.” Now hear me out, because I’m not telling you what sex is (or should be) for you. I’m just asking that together we examine and dismantle a bit of a sacred cow: the belief that sex is (or should be) special. Years ago, a client was telling me about an intimate experience in which she participated in certain sexual activities but drew the line at participating in others, an

When heartbreak distorts what we see in the mirror. {#TransparentTuesday} Hi friend, After 15 years of body neutrality work, body dysmorphia looks very different for me now, compared to how it used to look. These days it’s very rare for me to get hit with a dysmorphic episode. But when I do, I recognize it immediately for what it is and can quickly identify (and speak directly to) the little monster under the mask. Last week was one of those episodes—a week in which what I s

On relationships, creativity, and getting my own stories back. Hi friend, I recently decided to start writing and posting on Instagram again! It’s been a verrry long time since I posted regularly on social media… and even longer since I used it as a platform for sharing my own personal stories and musings. There are many layered reasons why I stopped sharing and posting like I used to, a big one being the shift that Instagram went through when TikTok skyrocketed in popularity

Why your aesthetic preferences aren't nearly as fixed (or accurate) as you think. Hi friend, Today I want to share a hot take: that your “aesthetic preferences” aren’t nearly as important (or accurate) as you think they are. I feel like people are constantly talking about—and often even defensive about— their personal preferences for both how they themselves like to look, and for what they find attractive in others. And while it’s absolutely normal and ok to have preferences

Why I started T, what it's changed, and what I've learned. #TransparentTuesday Hi friend, A good number of you responded to last week’s “pre 40 glow up” email, asking for more details about my testosterone HRT (hormone replacement therapy) journey, and since I feel so passionately about this topic, I’m happy to share everything I can! I have to start with a little disclaimer though, because I am not a doctor (obviously), and I am not giving anyone advice. I’m not suggesting t

How I’m prepping to THRIVE in my 40s. #TransparentTuesday Hey friend, My “half birthday” is coming up, which means I’m only about 6 months away from turning 40, and halfway through the year-long “glow-up” experiment I set for myself! I haven’t written much about this experiment yet but it’s been incredibly rewarding, and now that I’m halfway through I’ve decided I’m ready to share! To be clear, I know the term “glow-up” is most often used to describe an “aesthetic improvement

I think the Gottmans got this one wrong. #TransparentTuesday Hi friend, This week I heard a disgustingly fatphobic clip from Mel Robbins interviewing John and Julie Gottman, and I am PISSED. If you don’t know who these people are, Mel Robbins is an annoying “white girl feminism”-style motivational speaker and author who I’m not a fan of…. so it’s really not a big surprise to me that her work wouldn’t click with me. But John and Julie Gottman happen to be world-renowned clini

The hidden assumptions behind "romantic" gestures. #TransparentTuesday Hi friend, A few weeks ago, a man tried to twirl me, and I hated it. No shade to anyone who enjoys being twirled here—I know plenty of people who do! And maybe you’ll hear this story and be like “Jessi it’s just a twirl, it’s not that deep.” But as a person whose literal job it is to point out when things are deeper than they appear, I have thoughts, so buckle up! Ok, so what happened was that this guy and

Seeing ourselves helps us heal. Seeing each other helps us grow. #TransparentTuesday Hi friend, I'm reading a book right now called Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao, and I am completely obsessed with it. It’s the first book in a YA science fantasy trilogy, which is very much my jam already. But then it’s also written by a Chinese non-binary author, it features a non-binary protagonist (so rare!!) and it takes ideas that are already deeply interesting to me—think: gender, identity

Approval ≠ Understanding #TransparentTuesday Hi friend, Lately I’ve been thinking about the subtle differences between feeling validated, and feeling seen… and why we often think we crave one, when we actually need the other. In my experience, people tend to conflate the two because they can feel similar from the outside. Both can calm us down when we’re upset. Both can make us feel more connected and less alone. Both can make us feel like we’re being understood, valued, or