My “Glow-Up” Experiment.

How I’m prepping to THRIVE in my 40s. #TransparentTuesday

Hey friend,

My “half birthday” is coming up, which means I’m only about 6 months away from turning 40, and halfway through the year-long “glow-up” experiment I set for myself!

I haven’t written much about this experiment yet but it’s been incredibly rewarding, and now that I’m halfway through I’ve decided I’m ready to share!

To be clear, I know the term “glow-up” is most often used to describe an “aesthetic improvement” journey, in which someone alters their appearance to become more conventionally attractive. This is not how I’m using this term, however. 

The “glow” that I’m referring to isn’t about external beauty, it’s about vitality, my vibrancy, my aliveness and expansiveness—all the things that make a person seem to be almost lit from within. Not because they have perfect skin or luminous makeup, but because it’s obvious in the way they carry themselves that they are radically nourished, fulfilled, and operating in alignment with their deepest soul-wisdom. 

My glow-up is a deeply personal and spiritual one, and it’s about reclaiming my life, reconnecting with my soul, and rebuilding a life that is deeply aligned again. 

Which brings me to a bit of a reveal.

In order to talk about the journey of rebuilding my life, I need to share something—something that I haven’t known how to talk about, and indeed still don’t.

My six and a half year long partnership with Drew ended earlier this year.

If you’ve been reading my blog over the years, then you watched me fall in love and you know how special that relationship was. Having let you into its beginning, I do feel a sort of obligation to share more about its ending, but I’m still sorting through it all and frankly still unable to write about it with any clarity. 

As context for today’s story, all you need to know is that in the wake of this massive breakup, I’m currently rebuilding my life and my identity, finding myself again, and reimagining my future. 

Turning 40 feels like a really big deal to me, and I feel called to invest in myself in every possible way that I can now, to start my 40s off right. 

So without further ado, I just wanted to share some of the biggest changes I’ve made so far this year in an effort to recapture my vitality and start my 40s from a place of maximum expansiveness, vibrancy, alignment, and joy:

1. I quit vaping.

   This is a huge one, both because it was the first big change I made—my last hit from my vape was on January 9th—and the hardest one on my whole list. It’s now been six months, and if I’m being completely honest, I don’t know that I’ve noticed any positive changes from quitting in terms of health or vitality. But I’m still very proud of myself, and it has been incredibly empowering and self-affirming just to know that I can do things as unbelievably difficult and painful as quitting was!

2. I invested in community.

   This is such a huge part of my glow-up goals, since I moved to Asheville during early Covid, and despite years of trying sporadically to meet people and build community, I had never managed to really “find my people.” Doing the musical RENT last winter—which I did because I felt strongly that the universe was nudging me to—changed all that. Now I feel like I’m a part of a huge and glorious community of people I adore and admire, and because I’m currently in the middle of the rehearsal process for a new play, I get to spend time almost every single day playing with my friends.

   
   

   Prioritizing friendship and community building is one of the most important and impactful changes I’ve made so far, and probably the one I’m the most grateful for on a daily basis, because while I was focused on my partnership and other aspects of my life, I genuinely didn’t even realize how isolated and disconnected I felt, until suddenly that feeling was just gone.

   
   

   Research tells us that community and connection have the biggest impact on our physical/mental health and longevity—more so than smoking, exercising, or nutrition—and yet as a culture, we tend to neglect it. (Then wonder why we feel like shit.) 

   
   

   Personally, focusing on partnership has never made me feel nearly as happy, fulfilled, or alive as I feel when I’m focused on friendship and community building… and theater has given me a pathway back into that.

   
   

3. I handled some scary and disempowering issues in my business/finances.

   This was stuff that had been sort of lingering in the background of my life that I had taken a sort of “close my eyes and make it go away” approach to, and was hoping that other people would be able to solve for me. But it turned out that I actually needed to just step up and be the hero I was waiting for, so I fucking did. It took months of stress and frustration, but I learned a ton, I got it done, and now I feel a million times more empowered and informed about my own business for having done it.

   
   

4. I started taking my health seriously.

   I hadn’t been to a doctor or dentist since before Covid, always opting for telehealth to solve problems when they were urgent, and just letting everything else slide. Figuring out how to use my own health insurance felt overwhelming, and I just didn’t have the capacity to tackle anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary. But right after my 39th birthday, I started figuring it all out, setting up appointments, and getting shit handled. Found a primary care provider. New contacts and glasses. Pap smear. Dental x-rays and cleaning. Dermatologist, bloodwork, the whole thing. (I’ve even been flossing!)

   
   

   And while none of this has been convenient or enjoyable, I feel so much better knowing that I’ve stopped burying my head in the sand… and so relieved to have the appropriate support in place for various health issues that have arisen over the years!

   
   

   

   
   

5. I dialed in my testosterone, and regained my energy.

   I’ve been taking a low dose of testosterone as part of my self care for several years, and it’s truly the best investment I have ever made in myself. It’s taken my provider and I a long time to get the dosage right, but lately I think we’ve nailed it, and after years of feeling exhausted and low a lot, I’ve been feeling way more like “myself” lately in terms of mood, energy, resilience, workouts, and just overall zest for life! (By the way, if you’re curious to hear more about HRT or my experience with testosterone please feel free to hit reply and let me know— I’d be more than happy to write more about it!)

   
   

6. I’ve been working hard at the gym again.

   Due to chronic fatigue, exhaustion, and an inability to recover, I haven’t been able to work particularly hard at the gym, or even to move my body at all more than two or three times/week, for quite a few years now. Thanks in large part to having some available testosterone, I’ve been able to not only move my body more, but also to work hard and see progress in terms of strength building again! But the best part is that as I’ve been more consistent and more driven at the gym, the euphoric high I used to get from good hard workouts has come back again, and the payoff is exquisite, in terms of my connection to both my body and my joy.

   
   

7. I’ve been dialing in my skin care.

   Having suffered from constant (miserable) dermatitis all over my face and arms for many years, I’ve actually been trying to figure this one out for a very long time. But right after my birthday I did a deeeeep dive into the research, discovered the most likely trigger for my dermatitis (a category of ingredients called “acrylates,” which are annoyingly in everything), cut out or replaced every single product that touches my face or body, and got some prescription skin care to help my skin heal.

   
   

   I now have a very complicated and time consuming twice-daily skincare routine, and the products I use are much more expensive than I ever would have imagined using. But I don’t care because it’s finally freakin working!! I haven’t had a dermatitis flareup on my face in almost 2 months, and my arms are tons better too, so I will stick to this routine forever if need be!

   
   

   Also, I’ve never worn sunscreen before (except maybe on a full on beach day), and I always would have told you a bit cheekily that I didn’t “believe in sunscreen,” in part because sunscreens always made my skin so unhappy. But as part of my skin repair and overall health journey, I’ve found a formula that’s actually safe for my skin, and I’ve been wearing it on my face, chest, and arms every day for two months now. (I actually think my skin looks brighter and more even overall, so that’s a very welcome bonus too!)

   
   

8. I’ve been exploring what makes me feel hot again.

   While none of the aesthetic stuff would matter if I wasn’t tending to everything else, it’s been really fun and interesting to explore my relationship to my appearance in this new chapter of life, given that I am now older, wiser, and single again. So with no distress and through the lens of absolute body neutrality, I’ve been navigating what it means to feel hot now, including some experimentation with aesthetics!

   
   

   Some of these changes align with society’s beauty ideals, like the fact that I started using minoxidil (Rogaine) to regrow the thinning/balding patches in my hairline. Some are just me trying random stuff to see if I like it, like when I cut myself micro-bangs, or bought a henna tattoo pen to try fake freckles.

   
   

   The truth is that the bulk of what actually makes me “feel hot” is about feeling powerful, authentic, nourished, connected, badass, unbothered, happy, aligned, and fulfilled. That said, there are plenty of aesthetic details that can have an impact, and I’m gonna enjoy them to their fullest. After all, my body is equally good and worthy in any shape, but looking a bit jacked makes me feel tough and sexy. So yes I’m gonna do an extra set of lateral dumbbell raises and then take pleasure in seeing myself flex in the mirror! And while I feel totally comfortable without makeup, applying my blush like Kenzie from Love Island lately has been making me feel slutty and sexy in the best possible way, so I shan’t be stopped!

   
   

   As far as I’m concerned, focusing on “improving aesthetics” is a deeply flawed plan if your goal is to feel confident, worthy, and at peace overall. But if everything else (including self-acceptance/neutrality) is pretty locked in, then it can be a fun little icing on the cake. ;-)

   
   

Whew, ok. Those are the big changes, but to be honest there are lots of smaller ones, too. 

Like… I’ve been drinking a lot less alcohol. I’ve been flossing. (Not every day, but regularly, as compared to… never.) I use my red light panel to unwind before bed a few days per week. And I’m even adding some cardio into the mix (even though I hate it), because it’s one of those indisputable evidence-based ways to increase energy, mood, and overall health and vitality. 

But beyond all these big and small goals, I’m also just… centering myself again. 

I’m making my relationship with myself my #1 priority again as I’m healing from and repairing the many wounds and scars of self-abandonment. 

Because as beautiful as my relationship was, and as much love as we had (and still have) for each other, I can look back and see that I disappeared in there somewhere. 

So this year is the year that I come back, and take up all the space again—in my own nervous system, and my own life. 

Because I don’t care what they taught us about aging. I love getting older, and I have every intention for my forties to be the absolute best decade of my life thus far. 

Let me know if this topic interests you or you want to hear more about any of the details… and if you want support stepping into your own glow-up era, go ahead and hit reply or apply for coaching with me here!

Big hug,

Jessi