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Exploring non-monogamy as a tool for liberation…

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Hi friend,

If you’ve been exploring body neutrality and liberation for a while, you’ve undoubtedly come to understand that growing up in a culture rife with sexist, racist, ableist, homophobic, and transphobic messages leaves us with a lot to unpack and unlearn.

Photo of a person thinking
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

This is the work of liberation: instead of just continuing to believe in whatever default messages we learned, we get curious. We listen to people who see things differently– especially those being disadvantaged and harmed. We actively explore and challenge our thoughts, assumptions, and worldviews– especially the ones that cause harm to ourselves and others. We learn, and grow, and let our beliefs evolve as new ideas enter our awareness. 

At some point on the liberation journey, the curtain gets pulled back far enough that we can see clearly how freaking many of our thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and preferences are actually rooted in systems of oppression, and how many aspects of our life and worldview are based on lies. 

At that point, we tend to start striving to actively seek to identify and dismantle oppression everywhere we find it, both inside ourselves and in the world. And this is where the journey starts to get interesting, because it can feel like everything we once took for granted is suddenly being challenged, like:

  • Is this thing I’ve always taken for granted actually true, or have I just not examined it yet?

  • Do I really prefer things this way, or do I just think I prefer it because the world told me to?

  • Am I really attracted to this kind of person, or have I just been taught that I should be?

  • Is this judgment/opinion really mine, or is it the result of my conditioning?

While a lot of this work can feel destabilizing, heavy, and hard (especially at first!), it can also be fascinating, empowering, and wildly freeing. 

For a lot of folks, the vast topic of sex and relationships is one that eventually makes it to the table for re-examination. We might start exploring and questioning who we’re attracted to, what turns us on, what we want and need, and how we define a successful and fulfilling partnership, as well as whether or not the “default settings” for heteronormative, traditional, and monogamous relationships are actually what works best for us!

Photo of a typewriter with the words, "open relationship"
Photo by Markus Winkler

To that end, this week’s episode of my podcast This Is (Not) About Your Body is all about non-monogamy! My guest is Mel Cassidy, a queer and polyamorous relationship coach and creator of Radical Relating, who joins me to talk about some of the more myths and misconceptions about non-monogamy, as well as how exploring the concepts and ideas of non-monogamy can be used to created more liberated, authentic, and fulfilling relationships for everyone– including folks with no interest in or experience with open relationships of any kind! 

Don’t worry, you do not need to be non-monogamous (or interested in ever pursuing an open relationship!) to enjoy this episode—quite the opposite in fact! 

We’re not promoting non-monogamy or anything, and we’re certainly not trying to convert anyone. We’re just exploring how some of the wonderfully liberating and clarifying questions and insights often brought up in the non-monogamous community can be used to help anyone cultivate freer, happier, and more satisfying sex and relationships!

Curious to learn more? 

That’s it for today! 

Yours in liberation, Jessi 

PS: The first module of course material for Fuck The Patriarchy was published yesterday on Patreon, on internalized oppression, coercive control, and the cult of patriarchy! If you missed the cutoff but still want access to the webinar and worksheets, you can buy it now for $25– just contact me!

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