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Become intentionally   Repellent to Those Who Want to Objectify, Exploit, and Oppress you.

Reclaim your power, agency, and confidence by doing everything the patriarchy told you not to: speaking up, saying no, putting yourself first, divesting from beauty ideals, and holding men accountable.

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"Through working with Jessi, I'm learning how to speak up for myself, to trust myself more, to be more honest with myself and with men in my life, and to not outsource my intuition to someone else."

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"Before, I would go on dates with men and be unable to reject the second drink if I was having a bad time, and I would always giving my number to any man who asked for it, out of fear of hurting their feelings. Jessi taught me that valuing my own time and energy is my #1 priority, and that it’s NOT my responsibility to guess, juggle, or manage the opinions of men (who were essentially strangers!). I no longer feel any obligation to "protect" the feelings of interested men, and can happily politely reject a second drink on a date without thinking twice."

Nikki, Software Engineer

You know the patriarchy is bullshit.
And yet...

Imagine your best friend, sister, or daughter saying she feels obligated to always make men feel happy, comfortable, and sexually aroused, no matter the cost. 

She measures her worth by men's approval of (and desire for) her, and her whole life is dictated by a long list of rules for how to be the “ideal woman” in their eyes, so she worries constantly about how she looks, never speaks up when men make her uncomfortable, does more than her fair share of domestic and childcare labor so her partner can golf with his buddies on weekends, and hides any needs or feelings that might be a "burden" on him.

If you’re like many of my clients, hearing this would make you fucking furious

You would immediately tell your loved one that their worth is absolutely not dependent on men’s approval, and that she doesn’t owe men anything—not thinness or attractiveness, not emotional labor, not sex, nothing!

 

You might even give an impassioned speech about how the patriarchy teaches this bullshit to girls, women, and AFAB folks (assigned female at birth) as a way of keeping us obedient, submissive, and too busy/insecure to resist our own oppression!

You would mean it, too. 

You know the patriarchy is bullshit. You reject the idea that women exist to be consumed and exploited, and you refuse to believe we only have value when we’re sweet, nurturing, chill, and fuckable.

BUT (and this is a big "but")...

Despite all that, there is still a part of you (maybe a small, unconscious, or deep-down part, but a part nonetheless) that measures your own value and worth by what men think of you. 

Maybe you have your own list of rules for how to be “worthy” and “good,” according to the patriarchy. Maybe you inadvertently objectify yourself, by worrying a lot about looking “attractive.” Or maybe you, too, struggle to speak up, set boundaries, say no, advocate for your needs, or hold people accountable for their behavior. 

If this sounds like you, I get it. I’ve been there myself, and so have many of my clients. 

 

I know it’s frustrating (and maybe a little embarrassing) to realize there’s a gap between what you believe and how you actually feel... but I promise you’re not alone, and you're not crazy. You’re not failing at women’s empowerment, or body positivity; you’re not even a bad feminist!

 

You’re just a person dealing with something called internalized oppression. You grew up under the thumb of patriarchy, and you developed a strategy to survive. 

But it doesn't have to be this way. Internalized oppression can be unlearned, and you can close the gap between what you belief and how you feel.

 

Is it easy? No. But if you're ready to kick the damn patriarchy out of your head (and your body image, relationships, bedroom, and life), I've got you.

This is is where Project Ugly comes in...

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You were put on Earth to do more than make men happy. 

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What Is 
Project Ugly?

Project Ugly is an eight week live group coaching program online, designed to help you cast off the male gaze, break free from self-objectification, and reclaim your power and agency.

How?

By becoming everything the patriarchy said you couldn't be. Unattractive. Repellent. Terrifying. UGLY.
But ugly to whom?

Ugly to those who want to exploit, objectify, or use you. Ugly to people who feel entitled to your body, time, attention, and labor, and benefit from you "knowing your place."

Ugly, in short, to the patriarchy.

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"I used to believe that women are here to make men happy, to keep their egos ok, to show up for them sexually, to look good enough so that men want to look at us, to be nice and laugh at their jokes/appease them, to see their sexual impulses/urges as somehow my problem.

Jessi helped me feel empowered in my own knowing that I don't want objectification to be part of my relationship or my life and I that I don't need to allow that. That there isn't something wrong with me for feeling that way and that I don't need to just "sit down and shut up" and let men be. That speaking my truth and holding strong to my beliefs is valid, real, and allowed."

Alicia Burdick, CEO of Community Roots

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"I used to feel like I had to be the smallest, prettiest, least threatening version of myself for everyone (but especially men). I laughed at jokes I didn’t find funny, I kept my opinions to myself, and I worked hard to keep the peace around me. I really believed that this was my responsibility (to be perfect) and that if I failed, something bad would happen and I wouldn’t be safe.

Through working with Jessi, I realized that nothing happens when I break these self-imposed rules, except that I feel infinitely better and more confident. Some of these changes seem small on the outside - like not laughing at a joke - but every time I do it, I’m reminded that I don’t have to center men’s experiences or comfort."

Michelle C.

Who
Is
Project 
Ugly 
For?

  • Women and femmes who want to stop automatically catering their behavior and appearance to the “male gaze.”

  • AFAB (assigned female at birth) folks who want to feel more empowered, authentic, present, free, and safe in their relationship with men. 

  • Socially anxious people-pleasers and conflict-avoiders who want to learn how to speak up, set boundaries, and hold people accountable for bad behavior (instead of automatically going into freeze or fawn mode).

  • Intersectional feminists who want to leverage their privilege to resist, disrupt, and dismantle the patriarchy.

  • Straight women who wish their relationships (and sex lives) with men were way more equitable, nourishing, and satisfying.

  • People whose lives are structured to avoid the consequences of wounding a man’s ego, withholding something he feels entitled to, or making him angry. (For good reason!)

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What Do I Get If I Join?

Weekly Syllabus Material

You'll get a total of eight modules of self-study material with a new one being delivered to your inbox every Monday, so that you can watch, learn, and process the content at your own pace. Each module contains a webinar breaking down the topic from the syllabus that week, as well as worksheets (with journal questions, tools, and practices), so that you can deepen your understanding of the topic, apply what you're learning, and put the material into practice in your daily life.  

Weekly Community Calls

Every week there will be a live "community call" on Zoom, which all project members are invited to join if they so choose. These calls will be a place to ask questions, share what's coming up for you, connect with the group, and get (or watch) some coaching on the week's topic. These calls will take place on Thursdays at 8pm ET each week, but don't worry if you can't make the live call! You can always send me questions in advance to answer on the call, and all calls will be recorded and sent out to the  group after!

The Weekly Syllabus:

Week #1: The Cult of Patriarchy (How Internalized Oppression Works)

  • Learn how the patriarchy has tricked us into oppressing ourselves, using the same tactics as cult leaders and abusers.

  • Recognize the ways in which you've accepted, agreed with, and internalized the beliefs, rules, and limitations of folks who view you as nothing more than a sexual object, or resource to consume and exploit.

  • Commit to stop doing your oppressors' job for them.

  • Redirect your shame, anxiety, insecurity, and inner critic into righteous anger, and social/political resistance.

Week #2: Stop Self-Objectifying, and Reconnect with Yourself

  • Recognize that the patriarchy's "rules of desirability" dictate that our worth and value to men come from two places: our fuckability, and our emotional, domestic, or care-taking labor. 

  • Take an inventory of the rules you follow (or feel bad about not following)  to gain men's approval, respect, and kindness... and why trying to follow them is a losing battle.

  • Understand that the patriarchy's power is dependent on us being disconnected from ourselves, our bodies, and our intuitions. (And start rebuilding and reclaiming that connection!)

Week #3: Stop Trying to Make Your Oppressors Want to Fuck You 

  • Learn the power of becoming ugly to those who want to oppress or exploit you.

  • Unpack your relationship to your appearance, and  untangle coerced conditioning from authentic preferences.

  • Learn to please your own gaze, rather than the male gaze.

  • Become a rule-breaker! Face your fears, break the "rules" for how the patriarchy says you should look, and cultivate an embodied sense of power and security as you face the "consequences" of giving up beauty/body privilege.

Week #4:  Ugly Traits: Speaking Up, Holding Men Accountable, and Being "Selfish"

  •  Recognize how the "rules of desirability" have robbed you of the ability to stand up for yourself, set boundaries, express your true feelings, advocate for your needs, and hold others (especially men) accountable for their behavior. 

  • Disrupt the patriarchy through fear-facing again! This time it'll be by breaking the rules about needing to make people happy and comfortable, and providing emotional/domestic/care-taking labor.

  • Reconceptualize and reclaim the ugliest of insults and accusations by learning to become "selfish." 

Week #5:  Debunking Myths About Men, Sex, and Attraction

  • Debunk gender essentialist myths like "men are more visual" that keep us submissive and compliant. 

  • Learn the liberating truth about how physical attraction, arousal, desire, and mate choice work (and why how you look has very little to do with it!)

  • Adopt a framework for feeling desired and desirable outside of objectification. 

  • Explore your own patterns of arousal, desire, and attraction to others, and start untangling your authentic preferences from your conditioning.

Week #6: Better Relationships Through Ugliness

  • Understand how—for folks who sleep with/partner with men—even subtle or unintentional objectification leads to body image issues, a fear of abandonment, a lack of intimacy.

  • Stop centering his feelings (or needs, preferences, desires, etc.) in dating or partnership, and start centering your own. 

  • Learn how to cultivate more equitable and satisfying relationships with men, that are built around your authentic wholeness and worthiness (instead of objectification).

Week #7: Ugly Sex is More Liberated (and Satisfying) Sex 

  • Discover how patriarchy prevents you from having truly enjoyable, pleasurable, orgasmic, and satisfying sex! 

  • Throw away the old coercive scripts/rules for how sex "should" look, and stop having sex you don't really want, to please someone else.

  • Explore queer, non-monogamous, and kink/BDSM concepts on your path to sexual liberation.

  • Untangle your conditioning from your authentic desires, turn-ons, and fantasies... and practice being "selfish" in bed!

Week #8: Becoming Harder to Control, Exploit, and Oppress

  • Learn to spot coercive control red flags (in both social relationships and marketing/media), and become less vulnerable to their messages and manipulation.

  • Get clear on the path forward from here, for how to continue challenging and dismantling oppression, both inside yourself, and in the world.

  • Gain tools for communicating, educating, and encouraging the people in your life to do their own work around dismantling oppression.

When Does It Start?

This live group coaching program begins on Monday February 26th. 

The first community Zoom call is Thursday February 29th at 8pm ET.

"Working with Jessi taught me that ensuring I’m as attractive as I can be is NOT a viable way of getting genuine respect from men.

 

If respect is conditional, it’s not respect."

" Jessi helped me see that men were raised in this same patriarchal system, and that even "good" men will mess up. It doesn't make their behavior okay, but good men will see that, want to hear that, and want to keep working on changing it. Now I understand that this is something I can absolutely expect from good men."

"I’ve learned that I don't need to feel like a trapped feral animal with no control, who is just stuck in this fucked up patriarchy.

 

I have CHOICE, and I get to choose whose opinions matter to me and whose don’t. I finally feel FREE."

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How Do I Enroll?

There are two levels of enrollment to choose from, depending on the level of support you're looking for:

Choose Your Membership Level & Payment Plan:

  • PROJECT UGLY Basic Membership

    350$
    Every month
    2 Installments
    Valid for 2 months
  • PROJECT UGLY Basic Membership

    666$
     
    Paid in full
    Valid for 2 months
  • PROJECT UGLY VIP Membership

    666$
    Every month
    2 Installments
    Valid for 2 months
  • PROJECT UGLY VIP Membership

    1,300$
     
    Paid in full
    Valid for 2 months

Note: If you can't afford any of these options, there are 3 "pay-what-you-can" scholarship spots available! Send me a message here to apply. 

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