Breaking Free From the Restrict/Binge Cycle

#TransparentTuesdays

A few years ago, a client came to me wanting to break out of the brutal cycle she was trapped in around food.  

She was one of those people that others openly admired for being “extremely healthy.” She meal-prepped, counted macros, and worked out six days a week, and she took a lot of pride in her “dedication.”

But under the surface, my client was dealing with a constantly swirling hurricane of stress, anxiety, and shame.

She woke up every morning already thinking about food, and determined what she was “allowed” to eat that day based entirely on what she had eaten the day before. If she’d had carbs with dinner, breakfast would have to be low-carb. If she’d gone “off plan” with dessert, she felt like she had to make up for it with either extra exercise or less food the next day.

Every meal (every bite, really) was carefully considered and negotiated in her mind, because it all felt important. 

Eating sugar meant she was weak and bad, and eating processed food meant she had failed. If she ate more than she felt like she’d “earned” that day with her workout, she felt guilty and would start to panic. 

There were so many food rules and so much food math that it never stopped. All day, every day, there was a constant stream of anxious chatter about food running in the background of her mind like a constant buzzing in her brain, shaping every decision she made.

And of course, all that mental and physical restriction around food led—as it so often does— to food binges.

She’d adhere strictly to her food rules for days; sometimes weeks. But then there would be a crack of some kind, and it would all fall apart at lightning speed. 

One vulnerable moment, one emotional trigger, one single broken rule. Suddenly the cravings and pressure that had been building would become insurmountable, and she would find herself alone in her kitchen, eating until she felt numb and uncomfortable. 

It always started with telling herself she would just eat one extra serving of something “safe” in order to take the edge off… but it didn’t stop until she’d eaten foods she normally didn’t “allow” herself to eat, in amounts that terrified her.

If you’ve ever experienced the cycle of food restriction and binging, then you already know how the next part goes.

After each binge, my client’s mental health would be in shambles. She would wake up with so much shame, guilt, self-loathing, and panic that she would try to immediately “get back on track,” skipping breakfast or extending her time in the gym, determined to undo the damage and stick to the rules for good this time. 

Then the cycle would start all over again.

I’ve lost count of how many clients have come to me over the years, trapped in this same exact cycle around food, and desperate for it to stop.

The thing is, we tend to chalk this kind of thing up to “food and body image issues,” but it actually goes way deeper than that, which is why so much of the advice out there for people struggling in this way simply doesn’t work. 

For example, this client had done an in-patient treatment program for anorexia when she was a teenager, and had read a bunch of anti-diet and Intuitive Eating books. She wasn’t ignorant to the damage her food habits were doing to her mental health, energy levels, social life, or self-worth… but that knowledge didn’t help at all when it came to changing anything.

In one of our first sessions, she told me miserably that “I know what I need to do, I just can’t get myself to do it.”

Curious, I asked her what she thought she needed to do, and she replied: “I need to stop caring so much about what I eat, and recognize that nobody else cares how I look.”

Oof.

I told her that, sure, if that was an option it would probably be a pretty effective one. She seemed surprised when I suggested that it probably wasn’t actually a realistic option though (at least not right now), and that this cycle was happening for a reason. 

I told her that instead of “trying to stop binging,” we were going to try to figure out why food felt so important in the first place, so that she could gradually let go of the patterns of physical and mental restriction that were setting her up to lose control in a binge. 

After all, we don’t obsess over things that don’t feel deeply important, do we? And we don’t dedicate our whole lives to trying to control something, unless the consequences of not controlling that thing feels life-or-death.

So that’s where we started: “What are you afraid would happen if you stopped following your food rules?”

Answering this question sent us down the path to really understanding the root of her food anxiety and obsession, and illuminated the path she would need to walk if she wanted to break free from the cycle.

Together, we:

• Brought consciousness, clarity, and a feeling of agency and choice to a pattern that had previously been playing out automatically, and shrouded in the mysterious shadows of her unconscious mind.

• Approached her suffering (and compulsive actions) with curiosity, compassion, and respect, and gradually developed a new repertoire of diverse tools and skills to build her confidence and self-trust when it came to dealing with hard and scary things head-on.

• Identified and faced the previously intolerable layers of shame, fear, and self-rejection that were all tangled up with her relationship to food, rewrote the narrative that she was “weak” and just needed more willpower/self-control, and helped her develop a more positive and resilient sense of self overall.

In short, we did the same kind of work I help all my clients do, whether they’re struggling with food and body image issues, imposter syndrome, relationship problems, lack of confidence, or an overall feeling of stuckness— we got to the root of the problem, and dealt with it directly. 

Over time, my client started noticing that she was going longer in between binges, the binges no longer felt quite so out-of-control and scary, and she was finding it easier and faster to bounce back after. 

In other words, the cycle that had ruled her life for so many years started losing power over her. Not because she was working harder to avoid binges or “care less about food,” but because she had gotten to a place where what she ate no longer felt so life-or-death important. 

With practice, breaking her food rules and skipping the food math got easier, and her relationship to food started to feel safer and more relaxed. As the burden of mental and physical food restriction decreased, the binges naturally decreased too, because she no longer needed them.

Now, I’m by no means suggesting that this kind of journey is easy, or fast. I worked with this woman for just over two years, and she worked her ass off to make these changes.

But recently she sent me an email, and I was unsurprised to hear that she no longer thinks about food all the time, and can’t even remember the last time she binged. She told me that while there’s still probably some work to do in this area, she pretty much just eats what she wants, when she wants, and enjoys an overall feeling of safety, trust, and freedom around food that she never thought was possible before we worked together. 

My favorite thing about her email, though, was that after that one quick paragraph about food, the rest of what she wrote focused on some big and exciting life updates that simply never would have been possible when her life was centered around food and eating. 

→ She reconnected with an old flame, and this time around her anxiety, insecurity, rigidity, and shame spirals didn’t get in the way of their connection, so they were able to make things work and now they’re engaged!

→ She stepped back from her high-stress job because she realized it was running her into the ground, and she’s currently considering going back to school or pivoting to a different position that would feel more creatively fulfilling.

→ She decided to go “no contact” with the emotionally abusive family member who we had talked about previously. It was terrifying, but doing it felt really empowering and led to some unexpected positive changes with other family members, on top of just being a huge relief.

Do you see why I’m so passionate about helping people break free from food and body image issues? 

The suffering is never just about food or body image, and therefore neither is the healing.

The ripple effects that come from overcoming the thing that’s been making you feel small, disempowered, and inferior are enormous… no matter what that thing might be!

When you’re not obsessing over food, you automatically free up your attention, time, and energy for more interesting, important, and fulfilling things. 

When you learn to trust yourself and your body, you feel confident and safe enough to take risks, follow your heart, advocate for yourself, and express your authentic self.

When you stop feeling inferior and unworthy, you stop playing small and tolerating disrespect… and the whole world opens up to you.

If you’ve been struggling with food/body image issues, imposter syndrome, low self-worth, or an overall lack of confidence in yourself, you deserve better. Getting there takes work, but you’re worth the effort, I promise. 

And I would love to help!

I have a few 1:1 coaching spots opening up this month, so please check out the package options and apply for coaching with me here if you need help getting your brain (and life) back.

And if my coaching rates are out of your budget—but if you think I’m the right person to support you right now–I’m opening up a limited number of lower-cost options for new clients in October! 

Here’s a quick overview of the lower-cost options, but if you want more details about them, feel free to read more about them here, or hit reply and ask!

1. 40% Off Private Coaching: 

   1. Voxer-only coaching or 2 coaching sessions: $350/month,

   2. 4 coaching sessions or 2 sessions + Voxer support: $700/month 

2. Pay-What-You-Can Private Coaching: We figure out a package structure and rate that works for you together!

3. Pay-What-You-Can Group Coaching: If you can gather 5+ people, we’ll figure out a package structure and rate that works for everyone!

In order to maintain a high quality of attention and support for each of my clients, I have to limit these spots, and once they’re filled, they’re gone. 

So if reading this blog post made something inside of you whisper “this is for me,” I want you to listen. Because support, healing, empowerment, freedom, safety, trust, and confidence in your own skin are not just for other people. 

They’re for you, too.

If you’re ready to take this step, hit reply right now and tell me which offer you’re interested in. We’ll figure out the next step, together.

Big hug, 

Jessi