Age-Related Body Image Issues

#TransparentTuesdays

Hi friend,

“I never thought I would care so much about wrinkles, but lately I’ve been obsessing about my face in the mirror, and I can’t stop thinking about getting Botox.”

Have you ever said (or thought) something like that? 

If so, you're not alone; I hear similar confessions all the time, from people who seem genuinely shocked to discover that they feel insecure about looking older!

Often these are people who thought their progressive values or body positive beliefs would protect them from feeling too bad about themselves as their face and body change with age. 

People who have been saying for years that grey hair and wrinkles are beautiful, that getting older is a privilege, and that it’s silly to try to look younger than you are. People who thought they would never consider getting any work done, because they wanted to age “naturally” and “gracefully.”

Sometimes these are people who had previously done the work to arrive at a place of body acceptance and neutrality, and are now finding themselves deeply disturbed to run into a whole new layer of body image issues as they get older.

People who struggled with body image when they were younger, but then enjoyed a few years or decades of feeling confident and comfortable in their skin, only to discover that their confidence and comfort was more conditional (and more dependent on being fit or looking young/attractive) than they realized.

In a world obsessed with youth and beauty, it makes sense that getting older would bring up new anxieties, insecurities, and fixations on how we look… but it still catches a lot of people by surprise!

And for anyone who thought they’d be able to avoid feeling this way, or that they had already “fixed their body image issues,” the (sometimes sudden and intense) onset of new age-related insecurities can feel absolutely galling. 

“I don’t even know where it came from,” one client said to me recently.  

“I feel like I was so confident in my late 30s and early 40s. I knew who I was and I liked myself, I was proud of my accomplishments, and I exercised because it felt good. But then perimenopause hit and it’s like… I don’t even know who I am anymore, but suddenly I feel so frumpy and unattractive.”

If you’ve read my book or followed my work for a while, you already know the following two truths:

• Body image distress can only exist when something about our body or appearance has taken on a false or inappropriate amount of meaning or significance in our minds.

• Our body image issues always exist for a deeper reason—on a subconscious level, they’re always trying to help or protect us in some way. 

Both of these things are true when it comes to age-related body image issues too. But the thing is, aging itself creates some very specific and unique meaning and significance, as well as some specific and unique deeper reasons. 

In short: getting older presents brand new, distinctive, and challenging obstacles to body acceptance and neutrality.

After all, a lot of people build their “self-acceptance” and “self-worth” on a foundation that feels stable or unconditional, but actually isn’t… and getting older shines a light on all the cracks. 

For example, if you’ve always lived in a very privileged body, you might have found peace in your appearance by realizing that all the things you were most insecure about simply didn’t matter (or even exist) in other people’s eyes, and that you can still access the things you want and need in life without trying to change how you look.

This kind of “peace” is built on the understanding that people will still think you’re relatively attractive or deserving of respect, even when you’re not trying too hard— or at least that you won’t face any negative consequences for how you look. 

In other words, it’s rooted in body privilege, and the belief that it’s ok to not look perfect, as long as you don’t look too bad. Your feelings of safety, peace, worthiness, or acceptance might feel nice for a while, but they’re conditional, and as you get older that’s likely to become really obvious.

This is one way in which aging presents a unique challenge to body neutrality: after a certain point, we will all experience a slow decline in the social status and privilege afforded to relatively young, attractive, and able-bodied people. And if we live long enough, we will all eventually face the discrimination and oppression of ageism.

For some people, getting older is the first time they will have had to face this reality, and it can come as quite a shock to realize how much of their previous confidence or self-acceptance was conditional, and reliant on their ability to access attention, approval, respect, safety, or validation from others. 

For other people, getting older will present just one more way in which the body they live in makes it more difficult for them to access the attention, approval, respect, safety, or validation that they want and need… and after a lifetime of oppression or marginalization, losing one of your remaining layers of privilege can be particularly hard to process and accept. 

All of this is to say that if you’re experiencing age-related body image issues or insecurities, there is nothing wrong with you. You’re not being vain or silly, and you’re not betraying your values or beliefs. 

It’s just that getting older brings with it a whole host of specific and unique obstacles to body neutrality, and these reasons need to be dealt with directly!

To help you do exactly that, I’m creating a brand new 8 month self-study program for my Patreon community, called:

Age Neutrality: 

Feeling Confident (and Body Neutral) as Your “Looks Fade.”

This course is for anyone struggling to accept the changes that come with getting older—whether you’re stressing about your first wrinkles, navigating menopause, obsessing over anti-aging treatments, or just feeling upset about what you see in the mirror lately.

Each month, you’ll get a new module (including a pre-recorded webinar + accompanying worksheets) that walks you through the steps of the Body Neutrality Blueprint (from my book), but applied specifically to the challenges and insecurities that come up around aging.

Curious to learn more? You can check out the full course syllabus here!

To access the full 8-month course, all you need to do is become a Patreon supporter at the $25/month level or higher. The first module will be released later this week!

You’ll get exclusive access to the first module of course material later this week, as well as access to my monthly community Zoom call exploring different topics related to body neutrality, self-worth, and liberation. 

Plus by enrolling, you’ll be supporting my ongoing work helping people cultivate their authentic power, embodiment, confidence, and self-worth outside of internalized oppression. (Which… thank you!!)

Society wants to convince us that we “lose value” as we age, in the hopes that we will stop demanding to be treated with respect, spend all our money on their anti-aging products, and fade quietly into the background of society. 

But we won’t… at least not as long as I have anything to say about it! How about you??

I hope to see as many people as possible enrolling in this course and joining in the process of dismantling internalized ageism and feeling worthy, powerful, and confident in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. 

Enroll in my Patreon here to get the first module of course material that drops this week, and please send this blog post to anyone you know who might be interested, or want to go through this journey with you!

Age-related body image issues are a beast of their own, and I’m so excited for this next part of the revolution.

Big hug,

Jessi

PS: If you’re looking for more 1:1 or high-touch support on your journey to body neutrality and self-worth, you can always apply for coaching with me here, or hit reply to ask about the remaining discounted and pay-what-you-can coaching spots I opened up for October!