Updated: Mar 6
…and honestly I just want to work with humans again. (Offer inside!)
Recently I told some friends that the process of writing my book has been one of the worst experiences of my life.
They laughed sympathetically, and reflected that at least now that it’s done, I never have to write another book again. But I shook my head.
“Oh… I’ll be writing more books,” I told them.
“Why?” they asked, confused.
“I don’t really have a choice,” I said. “Because it’s also the best thing I’ve ever made in my life.”
It’s true, too. My editor and I are sending the finished manuscript to the publisher soon, and I couldn’t be more excited. Now that the agony of writing and revising the manuscript is (almost) behind me, I get to pause and reflect on what I’ve done, and let me tell you… this book is going to change everything.
I believe this book will bring body neutrality to the mainstream, and completely overhaul the entire conversation around body image. Writing it made me a better writer, a stronger person, and (best of all) a more effective coach.
Through the book-writing process emerged a complete and cohesive step-by-step system for going from body negativity (or anxiety, hatred, preoccupation, dysmorphia, etc.) to body neutrality. It’s the same work I do with my private clients, but broken down into explicit detail, and supported with tools, practices, case studies, and concepts, designed to help anyone see their body through a clear and neutral lens.
I’ve named this system the Body Neutrality Blueprint, and within it is contained the 4 Body Image Avatars, as well as the individual steps required to neutralize body image issues on a visceral and emotional level, rather than just a conscious or logical level.
And while I (obviously) don’t have space to cover the whole Blueprint here today, I do want to tell you a bit about it. Because far too many folks try to overcome their body hatred or preoccupation using logic and willpower, and it just…doesn’t…work.
The truth is that body hatred, obsession, and anxiety are based on two bone-deep, visceral, and generally subconscious pillars, which must be individually dug up by the roots:
#1: You attach or associate various layers of false or excess meaning, importance, stories, or moral significance with your body– and all these layers make body neutrality impossible.
#2: You come to subconsciously rely on your negative body image thoughts, feelings, or behaviors in some way (i.e.: your body image issues exist to solve a problem, meet a need, or help you cope and survive in some way) – and the mind won’t let go of something it needs.
Body neutrality then– which is to say: the practice of seeing your body for nothing more or less than what it is in any given moment– requires us to do two things:
Strip the body of false & excess meaning. We have to identify and dismantle all the added meaning, importance, interpretations, and significance from our bodies so that we can see our bodies for what they are, without subjective interpretation, moral judgment, or an inappropriate amount of power. This includes layers of internalized and oppressive biases and bigotry (i.e.: beauty ideals rooted in sexism, racism, ableism, ageism, the anti-fat bias), as well as individual stories and beliefs about what certain kinds of bodies mean about a person’s character, lifestyle, health, worth, or the kind of life they deserve.
Make our body image issues obsolete. In order to see our bodies neutrally, we have to free ourselves from any reliance (conscious or unconscious) on our negative body image thoughts, feelings, behaviors, or suffering. This means first identifying how our body image issues are serving or helping us:
What problem(s) are our body image thoughts, feelings, behaviors, or suffering trying to solve?
What needs or desires are they meeting, or trying to meet?
In what ways do they protect us, feel safe, or help us cope?
Then we have to find a way of making our body image issues unnecessary and obsolete, by solving the problem, meeting the need, feeling safe, or coping without them. (Because, again, our minds will not give up something it relies upon… so the only way to release our body image issues is to no longer believe we need them on any level.)
Can you see why just trying to use logic and willpower to overcome body image issues would be impossible??
You don’t need to repeat mantras about how your body is beautiful to feel more comfortable in your own skin, and you don’t need to ever find yourself attractive to neutralize your body image suffering.
Body neutrality is the antidote to body image suffering that we’ve all been looking for, and unlike “loving your body,” it can work for anyone. It’s just that we have to do this deeper work to get there.
It is possible to stop hating your body… but you must dig deep, and uproot the underlying causes for that hatred.
It is possible to stop connecting your appearance with your worth… but you have to dismantle the underlying reason you’ve connected them in the first place!
It is possible to stop obsessing over food, exercise, and weight… but you need to identify how these preoccupations are helping you survive, and find a way to survive without them.
Does your relationship with your body cause you stress, distress, pain, or suffering? Does it make you feel angry, ashamed, resentful, hateful, or full of rage? Are you exhausted from constantly thinking about or worrying about what you eat, how much you exercised, what people are thinking of you, and how you look to them?
If so, you’re the exact kind of person the Body Neutrality Blueprint was designed for.
And while my book won’t be out until Spring/Summer 2023, I would love to help you move through the steps needed to find acceptance, freedom, peace in your body via private coaching.
I have up to three private coaching spots opening up in September, and to celebrate my manuscript (finally) being sent off to the publisher, I’m doing something I’ve never done before: offering two private coaching spots for a reduced rate!
Eeee! Want one of those spots??
Normally, a private coaching package with me (including 6 months of private coaching sessions done via Zoom, assignments and resources as needed, and ongoing 1:1 Voxer support) goes for $850/month, or $5k.
But after the difficult and disconnective year I’ve had writing and revising this damn book, I honestly just really want to spend the next season or two connecting with actual humans, sharing these concepts, and sinking back into my love of coaching.
(Plus, when the book launches I probably won’t be able to do much private client work for a while!)
So here’s my offer: two of you can sign up for that exact private coaching package for $700/month, or $4,000. That’s $800-1k off!
If you’re interested, just fill out an application here, or hit reply if you have any questions!
So very much hoping to meet you,