What the Epstein Files Teach Us About Attraction & Power.

#TransparentTuesdays

Hi friend,

Today I want to talk about some of the revelations that are coming to light from the release of the (criminally redacted and incomplete) Epstein files.

Content warning: This topic can be extremely triggering, so if you’re not in the right headspace to think about sex abuse and power, please feel free to skip this one! 

I’m going to start by naming something that the Epstein files have made extremely and abundantly clear: that none of the powerful men involved are actually attracted to women. 

It’s true that some of them may be genuinely attracted to children, as in the traditional definition of “pedophilia,” or attracted to adolescent girls, as in the technical definitions of “hebephilia” and “ephebophilia.” 

These terms, often used to describe sexual predators who prey on children, aren’t actually intended to be defined by the person’s actions or crimes, however. By definition, they are simply a description of a person’s attractions. 

As a stickler for language nuance and specificity, it bothers me that we don’t have a separate set of terms to describe people who engage in the criminal action of sex abuse against children, versus people who simply feel attracted to children, because I think it’s extremely important to create a distinction between the internal and the external; feelings and actions; mental illness and criminality. 

I know my stance on the language here runs the risk of making it sound like I’m excusing the abuse of children, but I assure you I am not. I simply believe it’s difficult to have productive conversations about these crimes when we don’t have the language needed to accurately and effectively describe it. 

We wouldn’t call people who struggle with a desire to set things on fire an “arsonist,” for example, unless they actually went about the criminal act of doing so, would we? 

And it would be difficult to talk about how our society was shaped by the corruption of powerful arsonists (if, as is the case with pedophilia, that was true), if we used the same term for both the people who recognize that their desire to burn things was wrong and disordered, and sought help to make sure they didn’t act on it… and the people who feel genuinely entitled and empowered to set anything they want on fire, because they know they’ll never be held accountable for doing so.

Put another way, I think it’s weird and careless that we don’t have a specific word for the people who perpetrate sex crimes against children, the same way we do for people who perpetrate every single other type of crime.

Without an established term for these people, we have no choice but to call them pedophiles— a fact that I think immediately gives the wrong impression about what’s happening, with very dangerous consequences. 

Because the truth is that only a very small percentage of the population are actually attracted to children, in the clinical sense of this attraction, which we rightfully understand as a mental disorder. 

But many, many more people (and in particular, many men in positions of power) commit sex crimes against children on a daily basis. 

And this is the important thing we absolutely must understand about this:

Most instances of child sex abuse happen not because the perpetrator is attracted to children, but because they are attracted to dominance and power. 

This is the dark and uncomfortable truth about the sex abuse of children that we don’t want to think about. 

It’s a lot easier and more comfortable to believe that a small percentage of the population are just disgusting, broken, and morally reprehensible monsters who feel aroused by children than it is to realize that within our patriarchal society—which is structured around male power and dominance—many people are committing sex crimes against children simply because children are an easier target. 

Patriarchy encourages people (and men in particular) to measure their value and worth by their ability to assert dominance over others. 

The average man has more height, mass, and physical strength compared to the average woman, a fact which Patriarchy uses to justify both why men not only deserve to have power over anyone smaller or weaker than them, and also why a man’s very masculinity and value depend on his ability to dominate. Patriarchy teaches that in order to be a “real man,” or to have status and value as a man, you have to be a powerful man… and that in order to be a powerful man, you must have power over other people. 

This presents an issue for many men, because if he lacks the physical height, strength, or power needed to be automatically perceived as dominant, then he’ll need to actually prove his dominance in some way. 

Some guys accomplish this feat through cultivating financial power and social status, some do it through threats and violence, and many do it by seeking to subjugate, control, or abuse anyone who happens to be smaller or weaker than he is.

And this is where the abuse of children comes in. 

We all know how common it is for men to assert their dominance by controlling, exploiting, and abusing women, and we all know that on some level this is because they feel both entitled and encouraged to do so in a system that rewards men for dominance, and because women’s relative size and strength makes them easier to dominate than other men. 

But we don’t like to think about how children make a way better target for men looking to dominate and control, compared to grown women. 

After all, our legal system may not adequately protect women (it doesn’t), but it is at least illegal to abuse and enslave a woman, and her status and agency as an adult give her far more options to protect herself than a child. 

Plus, a grown woman is far more likely than a child to have the information, awareness, life experience, and support systems in place to help protect her from predators. He can certainly put in the work to isolate and gaslight her so that she doubts everything she knows and ends up with nowhere to turn for help… but that’s a lot of work. 

Children, on the other hand, have no intrinsic social power or agency of their own, and they have very few protections to call upon. 

A child’s survival, safety, and protection is entirely in the hands of their caretakers, so if their caretakers abdicate their responsibilities—or god forbid, barter their children’s safety for their own gain, as so many of the victim’s stories in the files demonstrate—that child can become disenfranchised and vulnerable to subjugation and abuse in a way that no adult ever could. 

Children also lack the brain development, information, context, and experience needed to recognize when they’re being abused and exploited. Cult leaders and domestic abusers can gradually get a grown woman to be compliant by manipulating her mind and breaking her spirit through fear and violence, but that takes an ongoing effort. 

Children, however, rely on their caretakers to teach them about right and wrong, contextualize the world for them, and help them understand their place in it. They can be taught that their exploitation and abuse is normal and right so that their compliance feels “consensual,” and their undeveloped brains and hard-wired survival need for secure attachment makes them extremely vulnerable to manipulation and subjugation. 

In other words, children are the perfect target for anyone seeking to reinforce or expand their feelings of power and dominance.

This makes children “attractive” to men who either feel insecure about their masculinity, or want to prove or demonstrate their value under Patriarchy. 

It has to be said here that in order for a man to arrive at this mindset, he must have found a way to both suppress or disavow his basic human empathy, and to no longer view children (or women, or other people in general) as whole people deserving of basic human respect or autonomy. 

You simply cannot abuse people without crippling moral distress, unless you have convinced yourself that the people you’re abusing aren’t real people with an equal humanity and value to your own, and believing that something superior about you entitles you to act upon other people this way. 

Sometimes this happens because the person is genuinely a sociopath/psychopath or a malevolent narcissist, and they’re incapable of connecting to empathy and morality due to how they’re wired, traumatic experiences, or a combination of both. 

But far more often, people arrive at this place—where they view other people as game pieces in their own lives, rather than whole humans deserving of respect and autonomy— through a combination of Patriarchal conditioning and the feeling of superiority and invincibility that comes with the acquisition of power. 

This last bit is important, because people with a lot of social power and influence can do a whole lot more harm than those without, both because they have more resources at their fingertips to accomplish it, and because they are far less likely to be held accountable or stopped. 

A man with very little power and worth in the eyes of society might take out his anger and insecurity through domestic violence against his wife and children, but that’s where his violence has to stop, because he simply doesn’t have the money or social influence to expand his circle of dominance. Cult leaders, on the other hand, can commit more far-reaching abuse and harm, because they both have access to more people, and more social protections in place to avoid accountability. 

And people with a huge amount of power and influence (ie: religious leaders, politicians and world leaders, and in particular billionaires) have almost limitless resources, access to people, and protections against accountability. 

Plus, while it's true that we find abuse, exploitation, and violence at every level of society, research has shown that something nefarious seems to take place in the brains of people when they are given a high level of power and influence, in which they experience a decrease in empathy, and an increase in entitlement—both of which facilitate the mindset needed to become dangerous predators.

And when this mindset is combined with limitless power, access, and protection from accountability, you end up with the perfect breeding ground for abuse at an unfathomable scale. 

That’s what the Epstein files are showing us: not that the world is filled with pedophiles who actually desire children, but rather filled with people who desire dominance above all else.

When those people gain a certain amount of power and protection in society, their darkest impulses to exploit and abuse people—which would normally be tempered both by their natural human empathy and fear of consequences—are able to flourish and prosper. And since children are easier to exploit and dominate than grown adults, the result is the horrific widespread trafficking and abuse of children that is coming to light. 

It’s often said that rape isn’t about desire, but about power, and that’s absolutely true. Likewise, the Epstein files (and the victim’s stories) are about sex abuse, but we must understand these stories as being about domination, not about attraction. 

Because we will never stop these crimes from happening unless we understand why they’re happening and address those issues directly and structurally: pulling the whole system up by the roots and treating the disease, rather than endlessly chasing and treating the symptoms. 

If you want to learn more about this topic, including the inextricably linked psychology of abuse and power under Patriarchy, I highly recommend the book Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny, by Kate Manne. 

Full transparency: This book was so dark and triggering that I had to take breaks from the book while I was reading it, but I think it’s extremely important that we all understand exactly what’s happening, how this system functions, and why it’s so difficult to overthrow. Especially now, as we’re all processing and reckoning with everything we’re learning from the files. 

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I know this is all terribly painful and scary, but it’s also absolutely crucial that we understand and talk about it. 

I have so much more to say about this topic, including what this all has to do with the anti-aging industry and societal beauty ideals, and I’d be happy to share more if that interests you. Please feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts, either about what you just read, or about what you’d like to read in the future!

Big hug,

Jessi

PS. Speaking of youthfulness and beauty ideals, I just published the 6th module of course material for my self-study course about overcoming age-related body image issues.

The course is called Age Neutrality: Feeling Confident (and Body Neutral) as Your “Looks Fade,” and it’s available to anyone who subscribes to my Patreon at the $25/month level or higher!