Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about those of us who fit the definition of a “highly sensitive person.”
I’ve known this label applied to me since reading the book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron over a decade ago, and at the time I found it incredibly validating and liberating to learn that this level of sensitivity is nature rather than nurture, which is to say, whether or not a person will be highly sensitive is based on our genes, not our conditioning.
Being “too sensitive” had long been something I felt shame about, and people had always been telling me I needed to “work on” or “get over.” It felt like a personal or moral character failing—that I was just too emotionally reactive, too needy or “difficult,” too picky or inflexible, and too easily overwhelmed by things that other people don’t even seem to register. (In fact, even as I’m sitting here writing this, there is a scratchy bit on my shirt from where I cut the tag off, and it is driving-me-effing-crazy.)
Learning that twenty percent of the population is genetically highly sensitive—and that our experiences of life and overwhelm are eerily similar—gave me a lot of peace and acceptance around these parts of me. Knowing that this isn’t something that can be “changed” or “fixed” helped decide to work with my sensitivity instead of against it, and my life immediately got better:
I started a business so I could be my own boss and be in charge of my schedule in a way that makes room for lots of down time and alone time. I cultivated super strong boundaries and unapologetic self-advocacy skills, so that I was neither overextending myself socially, nor dealing with the guilt and anxiety of saying no, or coming off as “needy,” “selfish,” or “difficult.” I worked to improve my window of tolerance and distress tolerance, so that being overstimulated (which can’t always be avoided) felt uncomfortable, but not like an emergency.
All of these changes helped enormously, and brought a feeling of safety, stability, and peace to my life that I never knew was possible before then, when I’d just been trying to magically turn myself into a person who was less sensitive.
Recently however, I’ve had some interesting insights into highly sensitive people that are blowing my mind– including the fact that the vast majority of my clients are highly sensitive, and according to my therapist, the vast majority of people in therapy are as well!
This makes sense, because the world really isn’t set up to support the needs and experiences of highly sensitive people, so we’re often the ones struggling, and feeling like there’s something wrong with us. But it also makes sense because we tend to be the ones who spend the most time thinking about our own internal experience, and the internal experiences of others.
It’s both a blessing and a curse to be highly sensitive, because while we may be exceptionally gifted in areas like empathy, communication, creativity, curiosity, or existential exploration, we also tend to be the ones who struggle with things like people-pleasing, anxiety, perfectionism, depression, ADHD, and (of course) body image issues.
Appreciating the truth and depth of high sensitivity– both in myself, and in my clients– has me absolutely geeking out about what we really need to thrive, and daydreaming about a world in which our unique needs were supported, and our unique gifts were appreciated!
I have so much to say about this topic, and I’m actually going to be putting together a coaching offer specifically for highly sensitive people looking to understand, embrace, and work with their sensitivities instead of always trying/failing to change them, or just always feeling overwhelmed by them all the time! (If you’re interested, comment below, and I’ll send you the preliminary details!)
For today however, I just want to talk about one of the most important and universal tools for managing a body with a highly sensitive nervous system– movement.
To be clear, I’m not referring to exercise here.
Working out or exercising certainly counts as movement, but it’s only one expression of movement, and is only appropriate for certain specific goals and scenarios when it comes to sensitivity and overwhelm.
When I say “movement” I am talking about the vast and diverse spectrum of ways we can move our bodies, and how each different part of the spectrum and movement expression can be used to help you address or support your needs in different ways.
For example, let’s say one of your sensitivity triggers is loud or distracting noises. When your roommate does that thing where they play loud music with the TV on at the same time, and when your nervous system gets overstimulated in this way, you get hijacked by anger. The rational part of you knows that your roommate is just living their life and probably doesn’t even realize that to you, this audio environment feels like being stabbed repeatedly in the face!
Of course, you probably need to find a way to communicate your feelings, needs, or boundaries to your roommate in a calm and respectful way, but in that overstimulating moment, “calm and respectful” might have already gone straight out the window. This is a great moment to check in with yourself and see if there is a way of moving your body that might bring you back into a regulated place, in order to have that conversation without losing your shit.
Maybe intense or challenging exercise would be a good fit for this moment, if you’re someone who likes to metabolize anger through you that way, and doing some hill sprints or lifting heavy weights would help move all that “anger” energy through you in a way that leaves you feeling calmer and more yourself.
Maybe you’re someone who is calmed by slow, embodied movement, so spending a few minutes stretching, or doing some gentle yoga or breathing exercises, would help you connect to your body/breath in a way that gets you out of that hijacked state, and puts you back in touch with your internal resources and resilience.
Maybe you find rhythmic motion calming and regulating, so you decide to go for a chill walk or swim, do some drumming or repetitive hand movements, or spend some time in a room alone swaying your body or circling your hips until you feel like you’re “back.”
Movement is magic for highly sensitive people, and it can be an incredibly effective tool for managing, influencing, and supporting our nervous systems when we feel overwhelmed— but we miss out on all those benefits when we think of “movement” and “exercise” as synonymous, or think of movement only as a tool for improving our physical health or changing the way we look.
If you, like me and many of my clients, identify as highly sensitive, please know that you are not alone, you are not weird or broken, and you’re not stuck with chronic overwhelm and shame… even if you’ve spent an entire lifetime feeling too sensitive, too emotional, too inflexible, too needy, or too difficult. (Trust me, I get it.)
There are things we can do to minimize, avoid, or surf those overwhelming moments, cultivate resilience, and set ourselves up to thrive– we just have to be willing to work with our genetic makeup, rather than against it.
Big hug,
Jessi
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