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Shh, I’ve got a secret about self-love. #TransparentTuesdays

*Editor’s note: These posts were written back when my brand name was Remodel Fitness. I’ve decided to include them here without editing them, in the interest of…well… transparency. 😉

Welcome back to Transparent Tuesday!!

This week, I want to share a secret with you.

Well it’s not really a secret exactly, but it’s something that I see frequently misrepresented in the fitness and body positivity communities, and I want to clear it up.

Ok. So you hear all about how “true self-love” means loving every single part of yourself unconditionally, right? That’s true.

But you don’t love all parts of yourself the same way. You don’t. You can’t. That’s just not how it works, and if you’re waiting until you love every part in the same way, you’ll be waiting a long time.

Personally, I do love all parts of my self and my body.

But I love each part in a unique way, the way our love for our children, or our friends, is completely unique for each person.

For example, I love my cheekbones for being good girls, always well behaved and never starting any trouble. They’re pretty, sweet, appropriate, and they never stress me out. They make me look good. I love them for that. I love other parts of myself for similar reasons- because they’re easy to love.

But I love the parts of me that have historically made me feel insecure- the parts of myself that were so hard to love- in a whole other way. Thanks to them, I’ve have had to face my own darkness and fear. Thanks to them, I’ve had to become more brave, become more truthful, and become more loving. I love each part for what it’s taught me, the gifts it’s given me, and how it’s helped me evolve.

I love my cellulite.

I love it for giving me something relatable, so that my work can be inspirational to women with curves, even when I’m really lean. I love it for the opportunities it’s given me to show women how we can reframe the conversation around our bodies, by calling it “embellished fat,” and considering it fancy.

I love my breasts.

My breasts were my biggest source of insecurity for the better part of my adult life. Nowadays I love them the way you love a problem child who comes into your house and ruins everything on purpose just to get attention, but you know the only thing you can do is to LOVE HIM HARDER.

I love my breasts because they forced me to let go of control and love unconditionally. They taught me to stop hiding my secret fears and shames, and to start sharing them instead. Nothing has ever been more liberating than that, and it’s deeply related to my love for #transparency.

I love my spine.

I love it for making sure I never look “perfect” like the beautiful yoga poses I see other women do. I love the weird curve that people said made me look like a stegosaurus as a kid, because it forced me to let go of comparison, and focus only on my inner experience. I will be forever grateful to it for teaching me that.

I love my darkness. 

I apply the same principles of self-love to my inner self. Nothing has made me rise up higher than the stuff that threatened to take me down; facing and embracing my darkness has allowed me to build a life made of light.

When you consider yourself and your body and you worry that you don’t love it all equally, cut yourself some slack.

Search for the gift in the parts you still struggle with, and  acknowledge that finding the gift takes time. Then celebrate the fact that love comes in many different forms.

Be patient and be relentless in discovering  new ways to love yourself if you’re still struggling. Consciously expand your definition of, and capacity for, love.

You’ve got this.


Jessi, Remodel Fitness

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