On Tuesdays, we wear Transparency.
That’s why today, I’d like to ask you a question. (I’ve honestly I’ve gone as far as I can on this topic on my own, and I need your help.)
Here’s the thing– I’m currently in the middle of my launch for Authentic Body Confidence, a 12 week online program for women and non-binary individuals who want to finally feel safe, comfortable, and sexy AF in their own skin.
The program starts February 19th, and registration is still open until Sunday night, but honestly I’m not seeing as many sign-ups as I was expecting.
Which confuses me.
Bear in mind here, I’m a solopreneur so everything is just an endless parade of trial and error. I never know how workshops or programs will sell well, because this is all just a grand experiment, and I’m honestly ok with that.
(Note: the Facebook and Instagram algorithm did also just change dramatically, rendering posts invisible to most of my followers, so that’s partly related I think.)
But this isn’t just an isolated incident. This is a pattern, noted and shared by any of my peers who also sell health, coaching, and healing products that don’t promise to make you look better.
For me, the pattern goes like this: I get a ton of super-positive feedback from the free things I post and share. I get dozens of heartfelt thank-you emails and messages and texts every day, from people who tell me that my work is changing their lives.
I adore these messages.
I read every single one myself, I copy some of them down on my compliment board, and I take the time to respond as often as I possibly can. They’re like a flood of loving assurance that I’m doing work that matters; that I’m on the right path; that we all agree this world needs more self-acceptance, self-love, and healing.
But when it comes time to invest and go deeper, suddenly things get real quiet.
I can’t help but notice, having come from the fitness industry, that this sudden hush doesn’t happen as much when you’re selling something to make a person “look better.”
The two most lucrative types of coaching programs are business/marketing and fat-loss, because people have been conditioned to believe that making more money and looking good are solid investments.
Investing money to learn how to make more money makes sense, of course, because people expect to make that money back.
But what about the fat loss programs? What about the enormous amount of money people are willing to invest in skin care, straight white teeth, eyelash extensions, mani/pedis, blowouts and haircolor, body hair removal, makeup, clothes, jewelry, fitness, and weight loss? Why do people think those are good investments?
We have all been duped into magical-thinking, when it comes to the promise of looking hot.
We’ve been taught that looking more attractive will make you confident, happy, rich, and well-liked.
That if you fix your teeth and hair, and lose a little weight, you’ll find the partner of your dreams, land that job, have mind-blowing sex, and enjoy a life that’s fun and easy like celebrities on Instagram do.
People– women especially– are willing to invest any amount of money in “improving” their appearance, because they think looking hot will improve the quality of their lives in immeasurable ways.
The sad truth is that this promise is a lie.
Feeling beautiful is great, but it will not make you happy or rich. It will not make you suddenly feel safe, or comfortable, in your skin. It will not make you feel whole, or worthy of love and belonging.
Feeling more attractive will not make you like yourself.
So my question is this:
Why are people so willing to invest in looking better, but not in feeling better?
And, really, are we ok with this? Are we ok with privately believing the change has to come from inside us, while continuing to spend our time, energy, and money on magical thinking to improve and control external factors?
What do you think?
Self-acceptance is deep, powerful work, and it has the unique ability to offer you what you’ve been deeply craving: peace, calm, embodied wholeness, fulfilment, joy, and nourishing connections with other people.
By tending to the relationship you have with yourself, you can finally become the person you have always wanted to be, and live the life you’ve always wanted to live.
By moving inward, you can finally tap into the unshakeable well of confidence that you’ve been hoping to “earn” with concealer, toned arms, and a sparkling smile.
Try this exercise:
Divide a piece of paper in half, vertically. On the left side, detail how much money you’ve spent in the last three months on your hair, face, body, skin, clothes, teeth, nails, jewelry, fitness, diet, and general image or presentation.
On the right side, write down much money you spent in the last three months on your emotional processing, mental health support, the cultivation of self-worth or self-love, or anything else that improves your relationship to yourself.
If you’re like most of my readers, you might not spend a ton of money on your appearance, but that left side still gets filled up quickly with things like whitening toothpaste, mani/pedis, skin scrubs and lotions, undergarments and fashion, fitness/food stuff designed to look better, and/or booze to help you come off as fun and social.
But what about the right side?
(Hint: Most people’s right column is pretty damn empty. I did this recently with a client, and the only thing on the right side of her paper said “coaching calls with Jessi” lol.)
We were all taught to focus on our bodies and appearances as if they were the problem that needed solving, so we were never taught to value or invest in the very things that have the power to give us what we most desire.
So let me ask YOU:
Why aren’t you willing to invest in your relationship with yourself?
Which values and beliefs do you honor with your words and feelings, and which ones do you honor with your actual time and money? And, really… are you ok with that? (Why or why not?)
So much love, <3 Jessi
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