Hi friend!

As the holiday season gets closer, there’s a big focus on buying things. 

Whether it’s gifts, décor, outfits, events, travel, food, or whatever else, there’s about to be sales popping off left and right, and a whole bunch of reasons (and pressure) to spend money.

And listen. I love stuff, I love shopping, and I love a good sale. But the thing that most of us actually need isn’t more stuff. 

What we need—especially during this time of year— is better support. 

We need to support our mental health, our nervous systems, our boundaries, and hearts. We need support from our loved ones, and we also need to invest in ourselves. So instead of a gift guide full of things to buy and keep, or wrap up and hand off to other people, I want to offer a different kind of guide today.

With that in mind, here are 3 things worth investing in (now and always) that are more meaningful, nourishing, and supportive than stuff.

3 Investments to Make This Holiday Season

1. Invest in Your Nervous System

This time of year can be incredibly stressful on our nervous systems. 

Between financial stress, work deadlines, triggering family dynamics, sensory overload, grief and nostalgia, pressure to provide your family with a magical experience, or just the social expectation to be full of “holiday cheer,” a lot of people feel overwhelmed and dysregulated this time of year. 

Consider what it would look like for you to invest in and support your own mental health and nervous system regulation. 

Maybe that looks like prioritizing sleep, therapy, alone time, or activities that bring you peace and joy. Or maybe it looks like saying no to anything that makes it more difficult for you to stay present and embodied. 

Maybe it’s about committing to a movement practice that helps you discharge emotional energy and return to yourself. Or maybe you need to microdose comfort and pleasure throughout each day from now til February, and ensure that everything from your social calendar and morning routine to your home and clothing are supportive of your brain and body.

For what it’s worth, I highly recommend using physical movement for this. Not necessarily anything as intense as “working out,” but gentle, repetitive, and rhythmic movement like walking, dancing, and swimming can be a wonderful tool for discharging emotional energy and reconnecting you to yourself. 

Also if you’re heading outside for a walk in the fresh air to support your nervous system, may I recommend having something comfortable on your feet while you do so? (I’ve been really into my adidas sneakers lately, so check out their shoes under $100 if you’re looking for a new pair!) It might sound silly, but the clothes and shoes we wear can absolutely play a role in either supporting our nervous systems or adding to its burden.

Whatever you decide “investing in your nervous system” means for you, the goal here is not to feel relaxed and happy all the time. It’s just to make sure your own wellbeing stays consistently at the top of your to-do list, so that you don’t accidentally abandon yourself.

2. Invest in Your Own Boundaries

For many of us, the holidays mean a significant uptick in social events, obligations, and invitations… which has a way of really shining a light on the ways in which our boundaries might need some work!

This is especially true for folks who tend to default to being the caretaker, or carry the majority of the emotional and domestic labor for their families. But even a lot of “reformed people-pleasers” find themselves struggling this time of year to say no to things, set and hold the boundaries they need, and avoid the old temptation to hold themselves accountable for other people’s feelings, needs, and experiences. 

Now I’m all for generosity, kindness, and caretaking when appropriate. But a lot of folks consistently their own needs and desires last, because they’re afraid of letting other people down. 

If that’s you, I encourage you to think of the socially busy holiday season as a powerful invitation to invest in yourself, by identifying, asserting, and protecting the boundaries you need to thrive.

What do you really want to say yes (and no) to? Where would you benefit from having more distance, space, or alone time? What expectations or limitations could you communicate to other people, that would allow you to feel safe, relaxed, present, and free?

Our boundaries aren’t “mean” or “selfish.” They’re just our way of saying: “I choose to stay in relationship with myself.” Setting and maintaining them—especially in a season where they can so easily be overstepped— is an investment in your peace, power, and joy!

Consider in advance which boundaries would best serve you, and then stick to them!

Give yourself permission to say no to things, skip certain traditions and rituals, or pass on spending time with people who stress you out. Tell your family you won’t be engaging in any conversations about bodies or weight this year. Ask your partner to take on some of the holiday labor that you normally do. Whatever you need!

3. Invest in Your Sense of Self

Spending time with family can be challenging in many ways, but I think the most frustrating is how it tends to pull us back into old patterns and old versions of ourselves.

No matter how much you’ve grown and changed and established yourself as an adult, you still might find yourself falling back into your old roles and behaviors in certain environments, or with certain people. 

The peacekeeper; the quiet one; the “crazy one,” the strong one; the caretaker. If those old patterns and parts of yourself don’t align with who you know yourself to be now, it’s super important to invest in and affirm a positive and authentic sense of your own self-identity: before, during, and after any experiences that destabilize it.

Affirming your identity will look different for everyone, but I encourage you to think about what makes you feel the most like yourself—the most authentic and expansive version of yourself—and make a list of ways to connect and affirm those parts of you!

What people, environments, experiences, habits, or activities help you stay deeply rooted in your deepest, truest, and wisest self? How can you actively remind yourself of who you really are, even when it’s easy to forget?

Maybe this looks like journaling, acknowledging and validating your own feelings, listening to music that you love, meditating, staying connected with people who see and celebrate the real you, carrying emotional totems, or expressing your authentic self through clothing or makeup, even if you know it will ruffle some feathers. 

This is about affirming to yourself that you are a person, and you’ve come so far. That you exist, and you have your own back.And that nobody else can ever know who you are, better than you.

***

Whatever comes up for you around the holidays, don’t forget that your feelings and needs are valid and important, and that you matter. 

No matter what comes your way, as long as you’re willing to choose yourself, you’ll be ok. 

Cultivating self-trust can be difficult, but it’s absolutely an investment worth making. So be on your own side and treat yourself like someone you love. 

Refusing to abandon ourselves—especially in situations that are historically designed to make us do exactly that—is how we break patterns and heal, both individually and collectively. 

And I want that for you (and for us) this year.

Big hug,

Jessi