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Monthly self-study course material, for women and AFAB folks ready to stop simping for the patriarchy.

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"Through working with Jessi, I'm learning how to speak up for myself, to trust myself more, to be more honest with myself and with men in my life, and to not outsource my intuition to someone else."

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"Before, I would go on dates with men and be unable to reject the second drink if I was having a bad time, and I would always giving my number to any man who asked for it, out of fear of hurting their feelings. Jessi taught me that valuing my own time and energy is my #1 priority, and that it’s NOT my responsibility to guess, juggle, or manage the opinions of men (who were essentially strangers!). I no longer feel any obligation to "protect" the feelings of interested men, and can happily politely reject a second drink on a date without thinking twice."

Nikki, Software Engineer

You were put on earth to do more than make men happy
 

The patriarchy teaches us that our value comes from being "good," which means being sweet, selfless, accommodating deferential, modest, feminine, disciplined, and obedient. We're expected to put everyone else first, demonstrate extraordinary self-control, protect men's egos, and view ourselves as eye candy for others to enjoy and consume.
 

And who benefits from this?  

Not us. 

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You know the patriarchy is bullshit.
And yet...

Imagine your best friend, sister, or daughter saying she feels obligated to always make men feel happy, comfortable, and sexually aroused, no matter the cost. 

She measures her worth by men's approval of (and desire for) her, and her whole life is dictated by a long list of rules for how to be the “ideal woman” in their eyes, so she worries constantly about how she looks, never speaks up when men make her uncomfortable, does more than her fair share of domestic and childcare labor so her partner can golf with his buddies on weekends, and hides any needs or feelings that might be a "burden" on him.

If you’re like many of my clients, hearing this would make you fucking furious

You would immediately tell your loved one that their worth is absolutely not dependent on men’s approval, and that she doesn’t owe men anything—not thinness or attractiveness, not emotional labor, not sex, nothing!

 

You might even give an impassioned speech about how the patriarchy teaches this bullshit to girls, women, and AFAB folks (assigned female at birth) as a way of keeping us obedient, submissive, and too busy/insecure to resist our own oppression!

You would mean it, too. 

You know the patriarchy is bullshit. You reject the idea that women exist to be consumed and exploited, and you refuse to believe we only have value when we’re sweet, nurturing, chill, and fuckable.

BUT (and this is a big "but")...

Despite all that, there is still a part of you (maybe a small, unconscious, or deep-down part, but a part nonetheless) that measures your own value and worth by what men think of you. 

Maybe you have your own list of rules for how to be “worthy” and “good,” according to the patriarchy. Maybe you inadvertently objectify yourself, by worrying a lot about looking “attractive.” Or maybe you, too, struggle to speak up, set boundaries, say no, advocate for your needs, or hold people accountable for their behavior. 

If this sounds like you, I get it. I’ve been there myself, and so have many of my clients. 

 

I know it’s frustrating (and maybe a little embarrassing) to realize there’s a gap between what you believe and how you actually feel... but I promise you’re not alone, and you're not crazy. You’re not failing at women’s empowerment, or body positivity; you’re not even a bad feminist!

 

You’re just a person dealing with something called internalized oppression. You grew up under the thumb of patriarchy, and you developed a strategy to survive. 

But it doesn't have to be this way. Internalized oppression can be unlearned, and you can close the gap between what you belief and how you feel.

 

Is it easy? No. But if you're ready to kick the damn patriarchy out of your head (and your body image, relationships, bedroom, and life), then this self-study course is for you.

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What Is Fuck The Patriarchy?

This self-study Patreon course material is designed to help you cast off the male gaze, break free from self-objectification, and reclaim your power and agency

How?

 

  • By learning about how the patriarchy uses the same tried-and-true methods of cult leaders and domestic abusers, to get us to oppress, police, and contort ourselves into benefiting them. 

  • By systematically decolonizing your own desires, hopes, dreams, and fantasies for life. 

  • By breaking the rules, and doing everything the patriarchy told you not to: speaking up, saying no, putting yourself first, divesting from beauty ideals, and holding men accountable.

  • By cultivating such a strong and resilient sense of worthiness and safety that you become incoercible.

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"I used to believe that women are here to make men happy, to keep their egos ok, to show up for them sexually, to look good enough so that men want to look at us, to be nice and laugh at their jokes/appease them, to see their sexual impulses/urges as somehow my problem.

Jessi helped me feel empowered in my own knowing that I don't want objectification to be part of my relationship or my life and I that I don't need to allow that. That there isn't something wrong with me for feeling that way and that I don't need to just "sit down and shut up" and let men be. That speaking my truth and holding strong to my beliefs is valid, real, and allowed."

Alicia Burdick, CEO of Community Roots

Who is Fuck The Patriarchy for?

  • Women and femmes who want to stop automatically catering their behavior and appearance to the “male gaze.”

  • AFAB (assigned female at birth) folks who want to feel more empowered, authentic, present, free, and safe in their relationship with men. 

  • Socially anxious people-pleasers and conflict-avoiders who want to learn how to speak up, set boundaries, and hold people accountable for bad behavior (instead of automatically going into freeze or fawn mode).

  • Intersectional feminists who want to leverage their privilege to resist, disrupt, and dismantle the patriarchy.

  • Straight women who wish their relationships (and sex lives) with men were way more equitable, nourishing, and satisfying.

  • People whose lives are structured to avoid the consequences of wounding a man’s ego, withholding something he feels entitled to, or making him angry. (For good reason!)

How do I access this material?

Join my Patreon at the $25/month level or higher to access one module of course material per month, plus community Zoom calls and other benefits!

"I used to feel like I had to be the smallest, prettiest, least threatening version of myself for everyone (but especially men). I laughed at jokes I didn’t find funny, I kept my opinions to myself, and I worked hard to keep the peace around me. I really believed that this was my responsibility (to be perfect) and that if I failed, something bad would happen and I wouldn’t be safe.

Through working with Jessi, I realized that nothing happens when I break these self-imposed rules, except that I feel infinitely better and more confident. Some of these changes seem small on the outside - like not laughing at a joke - but every time I do it, I’m reminded that I don’t have to center men’s experiences or comfort."

Michelle C.

The Syllabus

Module 1: The Cult of Patriarchy & Internalized Oppression

  • Learn how the patriarchy has tricked us into oppressing ourselves, using the same tactics as cult leaders and
abusers.

  • Recognize the ways in which you've accepted, agreed with, and internalized the beliefs, rules, and limitations of folks who view you as nothing more than a sexual object, or resource to consume and exploit.

  • Commit to stop doing your oppressors' job for them.

  • Redirect your shame, anxiety, insecurity, and inner critic into righteous anger, and social/political resistance.

Module 2: Sexism and Self-Objectification

  • Learn how the patriarchy keeps women and AFAB folks “in their place” through a combination of traditional sexism and oppositional sexism. 

  • Unlearn the patriarchal idea that our worth and value comes from our ability to give other people a positive experience of us. 

  • Identify and dismantle the “rules” you’ve internalized for how to gain
men's approval, respect, and kindness.

Module 3: Untangling Your Appearance From Your Worth

  • Explore the underlying purpose for why you want to be attractive by identifying your unconscious “body image fantasy.”

  • Learn to identify the difference between your own authentic preferences and desires when it comes to attractiveness, and the ones that society has coerced you into. 

  • Strip your appearance of power and significance by going through the steps of the Body Neutrality Blueprint.

Module 4: Reconnecting to Yourself & Your Body

  • Understand why the patriarchy is so invested in keeping us disconnected from ourselves, our bodies, and our intuitions. (Spoiler alert: it keeps us insecure and anxious, which makes us easier to control!)

  • Reconnect with yourself and your body by learning specific tools and practices to help you tune into, trust, and honor your deepest feelings, needs, desires, and truths.

  • Use this connection to become more resilient and resistant to coercion, exploitation, and manipulation.

Module 5: Building the Skill of Self-Advocacy

  • Learn how the patriarchy weaponizes the myth of women and AFAB folks being more “naturally” empathic, nurturing, and selfless to control us. 

  • Understand who benefits from us being bad at speaking up, advocating for ourselves, setting boundaries, holding people accountable, taking up space, and putting ourselves first… and what it costs us. 

  • Improve these skills through practice and fear-facing, and see how they help you break free from insecurity, anxiety, shame, and body image issues!

Module 6: Great Sex Under Patriarchy

  • Debunk common myths and misconceptions about attraction, desire, sex, and men that keep us passive, insecure, and disempowered in the bedroom. 

  • Untangle “attraction” from “desire,” and learn what really leads to great sex. (Spoiler alert: it’s not about looking good!)

  • Adopt a framework for feeling desired (and desirable) outside of objectification, and learn tools and practices for getting out of your head and into your body during sex!

Module 7: Great Relationships Under Patriarchy

  • Understand how the presence of even subtle or
unintentional patterns of objectification and sexism in relationships with men can lead to anxiety, insecurity, self-silencing, and body image issues. 

  • Put your new skills (connecting to and advocating for yourself) to use, as you practice centering your own feelings, needs, desires, and preferences in dating and partnership.

  • Learn how to cultivate truly equitable romantic and sexual relationships that respect and honor your full humanity, rather than being based on objectification or sexism.

Week #8: Becoming a Disruptor of Patriarchy

  • Identify any remaining areas of internalized oppression and coercive conditioning, and outline a strategy to dismantle them over time, using fear-facing and rule-breaking.

  • Learn tools and strategies that will make you harder to control, exploit, coerce, manipulate, and oppress in the future. 

  • Explore ways to continue rooting out, resisting, and disrupting the patriarchy—both inside yourself and in the world—throughout your life.

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"Working with Jessi taught me that ensuring I’m as attractive as I can be is NOT a viable way of getting genuine respect from men.

 

If respect is conditional, it’s not respect."

" Jessi helped me see that men were raised in this same patriarchal system, and that even "good" men will mess up. It doesn't make their behavior okay, but good men will see that, want to hear that, and want to keep working on changing it. Now I understand that this is something I can absolutely expect from good men."

"I’ve learned that I don't need to feel like a trapped feral animal with no control, who is just stuck in this fucked up patriarchy.

 

I have CHOICE, and I get to choose whose opinions matter to me and whose don’t. I finally feel FREE."

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