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#TransparentTuesday-Some thoughts on manipulation, self-love, and self-trust

Editor’s note: These posts were written back when my brand name was Remodel Fitness. I’ve decided to include them here without editing them, in the interest of…well… transparency. 😉

I get very “in the groove” of the work that I do.

I wake up, drink coffee, write content, check my emails, post on social media, have client sessions on the phone, deal with tech and business stuff, write some more content, listen to books on audible, write client workout programs, and brainstorm in my journal. I’m constantly jotting down concepts, quotes, questions, blog post ideas, product ideas, post ideas, and just stuff I want to return to. My phone, my computer, and my journal are overflowing with little bits of me, little puzzle pieces that I haven’t yet decided where they belong.

It’s easy to get drawn into the microcosmic quality of my work- it’s just me, my thoughts, a journal, and some technology.

I adore writing and creating, and I absolutely love getting to work with individual clients. The material itself has become so deeply imprinted on my mind and heart that I can’t imagine NOT thinking about it all the time. It’s just who I am, and it usually feels really good because I’m solution-focused and that allows me to feel truly positive.

But sometimes I zoom out.

Sometimes (either consciously or unconsciously) I shift my perspective from my cozy little here-now-this, to the bigger picture.

The bigger picture includes my “why” for the work I do. It includes the state of the world we live in, and some really big questions about when these cycles of self-hate will end.

How many generations are we away from teaching all little boys that their right to feel urges is not more important than a girl’s right to her own bodily autonomy? When will teenage girls all know that their bodies are perfect even as they grow and change and fluctuate, or that their emotional sensitivities are actually a gift, not a burden? How far away are we from women trusting her own intuition more than she trusts a magazine, or a manipulative partner?

Zooming out like this isn’t always fun, but it lights a fire under my work. Because here’s the truth — It’s so important to me that women learn to love and trust themselves, because I know that when self-love and self-trust are removed, you become vulnerable to manipulation, abuse, and poor treatment from others.

For example: not trusting your own perceptions makes it easy for someone to convince you that you’re bad or crazy. After proving that your perceptions of him are false, he convinces you that you must just have terribly inaccurate judgement. From there it’s not a big stretch to assume that your perceptions about *yourself* are false. And if you can’t trust your own perceptions about yourself, then you’ll have to trust his. And now he’s in control.

That’s just an example.

Maybe the manipulation you’re most vulnerable to is that of the media and magazine culture. Maybe the abuse you’re most likely to tolerate is from strangers about your weight, or your parenting style.

But ALL manipulation and abuse is a downward spiral, because as you tolerate it you start to internalize someone else’s beliefs, further doubting and disliking yourself, and thus becoming more and more vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.

-Teaching self-love and self-trust is not a luxury.

-It’s not a first world issue.

-It’s not an after-thought to be added to your Pinterest board once you’ve solved everything else.

Self-love and self-trust are a crucial foundation for safety.

This foundation provides a powerful weapon against manipulation and abuse, and in this way I want every single woman on earth to be fully armed.

Plus, self-love and self-trust will help someone spiral upward, because as she is discerning about where she spends her time and energy, she gains people who love her for her and activities which light her up, and thus she gains more self-love, and more self-trust. The spiral continues on and on, upward into a bigger, juicier, and more joyful life.

By the time you see this woman later on, full of love and trust and joy, building exactly the kind of life she wants for herself, you might think: “Well of course she’s happy, she’s just that kind of person. She has that kind of life. I would be happy if I had her life, too.”

But this is exactly my point.

Her life did not create her. She created her life.

And it starts with self-love, and self-trust.

Wishing you a wonderfully loving and trusting day, my friend.


Jessi Kneeland Get strong. Feel confident. Look amazing.

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